Dil pe mat lo, Haat main lo!!

Haan, so one fine evening I was walkin on one of crowded streets in Mysore...minding my own business, suddenly out of nowhere comes this guy on motorcycle, stops besides me and asks me for way to some place. Luckily for him I know the place (cause that’s where I live) and direct him toward his destination. Prima facie this might look like an ordinary event, but what if this happens to you 4 times in 2 days and again, at every place you go. People have asked me for directions in Maharashtra, Kerala, Karnataka, Goa, Himachal Pradesh, Gujarat, West Bengal, Kashmir and that too while driving, walking, Eating, Listenin to music etc. etc...And not to mention the inevitable “Bhaisab time kya hua??”...I mean, these people have total disregard towards my privacy. I think I have ‘May I help you’ or ‘ask for directions’ written all over my face (I’m wonder if I can add “Ye suvidha sirf Hindi ya Angreji main hee upalabdh hai” message after that). Especially in south they ask me for directions in local languages (except for Maharashtra of course...there it’s Hindi)...just because I’m dark skinned doesn’t mean I know all the places and languages in south...isn’t that Racism or something??

Now since everyone has decided that I’m their favourite address and time guy...let’s try to analyze the rationale behind it. I’ve never seen people ask my mom or dad for directions...so that rules out genetic reasons. If we go by statistics...in general chances of askin me for directions are much more than any other person (as per my experience)...so that rules out the median theory and normal distribution etc etc...I’m definitely an outlier in this. Well then we’re left with no option but to develop our own theory. So let’s look into decision making process and criteria that goes into the choosing the appropriate candidate to ask for directions.

When you decide to ask somebody for direction...you look for the following characteristics in him/her

1. He/she shouldn’t be Khadoos looking (Check!!)
2. He/she shouldn’t be she...especially in Indian context (Check!!)
3. He should look like a local (With my cocktail looks...yes check!!...but what about Manali and that one time in Leh??)
4. He should look smart enough to know the directions (With my kinda fucked up sense of direction (except for on treks)...this seems very unlikely...but maybe in general I must be smart lookin...at least that’s what I would like to believe...so check!!)
5. He should be standing/walking in particular position/ direction so as to be approachable (I’m really not sure about this...I mean I don’t walk and stand particularly differently from others)

Ok this is boring now...I would rather just go and watch Southpark instead

Yeah and in case you are wondering bout the tittle of the blog...that was just to keep you interested...I’m not gonna ruin my bache khuche chances of scoring with girls by writing about Jerking off...then there’s also chance that my parents, children, grandchildren etc. might read it...but why the hell is jerking off such a taboo anyways??...I mean...naah just leave it... this is very temptin and exciting subject but sorry, I’m stopping here...some other time may be.

P.S.: “Dil pe mat lo, Haat main lo” is one of the songs in Nagesh Kunkunoor’s “Hyderabad Blues”....awesome movie!!...they also have rock version of it in “Hyderabad Blues II”...another awesome movie!!