Breaking News!!

25th Feb’ 2010

By
Henry Kuriakose
Kozhikode, Kerala

In the event that shocked Josechetta and some 10 villagers from Kunnamanthanam, 7 students from “Aay Aay Yum” Kozhikode seem to have taken over a hill adjoining their campus. The students forcibly captured the hillock in wee hours of Thursday morning, using spoons and forks from their canteen. The invasion code named ‘Aakraman’ went on quite peacefully, with most of the students escaping with just few dozen leech bites. The situations seems to be in control, except for some stray fights still going on between students and gay chettas, with students hell bent on keeping their amorous advances at bay. “This is going to be a very exciting venture for all of us and we are really happy the way things have turned out so far” said one of the students, who is majoring in Marketing and Finance and has about 3 years of experience in an IT MNC. The student who has shown great leadership and team work with this conquest, also said that they are planning to start a new and exciting revenue model, where they would be selling coconuts growing on coconut trees on the hill in an open market, which seems to something really unheard of in Kerala. “It’s always great to get to implement your business idea!” said another student, who is fin major and has cleared CFA level 2 exam recently.

The students have a well worked out B-plan, where the once with operations majors in the group are taught how to climb coconut trees and chubby looking fin double majors are being kept as safety food stock, in case of emergency. Meanwhile marketing people are thinking of ways to exploit people’s insecurities and trying to spread lies. This is a part of group’s long term strategy. “We are very happy that our students have decided to embark on conquering the new frontiers of management and are getting hands on experience in imperialism, we are really proud of them” said the director of the institute. He also assured the students that in case their B-plan fails, companies like Vedanta, Cessa Goa, Tata Steel, Arcelor Mittal etc would be more than willing to offer them jobs with handsome salary packages, for their expertise in forcibly occupying protected land and exploiting natural resources.

As our reporter reached the base village of Kunnamanthanam, some 30-40 villagers immediately gathered around to share their views on the event, except that they had not even the slightest of idea about it. Most of the villagers thought that it was moronical to actually sell coconuts in market. “Who would buy it?” said one, folding his Mundu . “There is more coconut in my sambhar, than there is on that hill” said another. 55 year old Babu, who seemed to be the only one to have been really affected by the event, said “If Zamorins would have been still around, things like these would have never happened. These young fellows I tell you, they just want to have indiscriminate pre-marital sex these days, it’s against our Indian tradition, they should be shot dead in their aas, buggers!!” for which there was a murmur of “uvvu sexum!, sexum, sexum?” in the crowd along with few giggles.

Meanwhile, everyone including villagers are blaming certain Mr. Srikant Yeddu aka ‘Cheeka’ for this whole event, whereabouts of whom are not available.

PS: Thanks Vivek Raj for helping me come up with the idea

PS2: No, this is not inspired by Faking News, I've been doing this for very long time now…see here (Link only for Marathi readers)