To all Corporate Bitches...

Ever since yours faithfully decided to work in a corporate, He’s been subjected to mental trauma unforeseen. Here are few rules which enabled me to steer through and be highly successful for almost 15 days now…

Rules/guidelines to maintain mental health in corporate life

1. Maximizing happiness always takes precedence over other peripheral objectives like share holder’s wealth, bottom-line, revenue growth etc.
2. Benefits in kind are not realized unless you screw that coffee machine bitch, at least thrice a day
3. Anything that’s written inside neat boxes makes sense; unless it does not.
4. Best game available and playable in office is not minesweeper, but your online timesheet.
5. Raccoons are the best wallpaper material
6. A ‘concrete’ motivation to wake up every morning and go to office, such as AC in summer, travel experience in Monsoon and hot coffee and breakfast in winter etc, is necessary. ‘I do not have life!’ is not concrete enough motivation factor.
7. One must plan all holidays to exotic locations at least one year in advance, anticipation of which can be a good deterrent from suicide.
8. Within very first weeks of joining, one must enquire whether anyone has died from boredom in the department in past, if yes it’s time to add more people on Gtalk. In case no data is available on deaths, cobwebs on employees can be a good indicator.
9. Bladder capacity is underutilized, unless it is filled and emptied at least 67 times in a week, same goes for bowels.
10. Team lunches with superiors should be avoided at all cost. There’s nothing called ‘free lunch’
11. Meerkat behavior should be exhibited as often as possible (Ref: http://deepakladdha.blogspot.com/2010/06/meerkat-in-cubicle.html)

PS: I wonder why I write this at the end of every post!

PS2: Sample Raccoon wallpapers: